I is not sorry, me eh abusing KFC
Meh frend reach, den we two taking Maxi Taxi in dis hot heat. Mavis rush for window, I tink, when dat wind hit she hairdo, me walking wey behind. Mavis tell meh is Park street,now meh body acting up. Sun hot, she say she going Chinee grocery next side. It hot, I ready to drop on pavement, I see car parts place, I go inside, ah asked, arm, I could sit down. De boy le meh, I say, is so hot, politely, I could get a glass of water. Boy gone in, I take out salt and put on de tip on meh tongue, is meh pressure. Boy bring righteous beastly cold yes. Ah say tanks very much.
I wait to cross street, I tell driver to stop, ah walk half, a tell de other too, I watch dem both, ah say tank you. I gone in grocery, ah ask big bag security, excuse meh, yuh see a short lady wit blue head tie come in side. Bag security tell meh is thousands does shop in here, put yuh bag here. Ah say I eh here to buy, all I ask if you see a short lady wit blue head tie just now. De Bag security tell meh put yuh bag here. My voice raising, You feel I come in here, as if I have no money, is dam fas wi yuhself, you sitting dere like Bank manager holding bag and tiefing slight. Let meh tell you somting, and he big, you dough know what I ca buy, Just because you see meh dress simple, and dough have high fancy boot, jacket and mobile ringing day and blasting night…Dem wit suit, is more poor and tiefing sky high. Is simple, I ask if you see a short lady wit blue head, you security, you ca even identify.I ain’t come to buy in yuh Chinee grocery, is thousands. If old people tiefing is because dem have small pension, and one block of cheese, tirty dollars, tirty dollars. who teifing now, watching bag and giving meh number block to hold. Mavis see meh, I so vex, my pressure raise. I suck a KC mint. All he partner watch, de man look blue.
Is Bank now central, Independence, place looking clean, I sit waiting, Mavis gone up. I take out meh ID, as say, look at dis, look at dis, I tell meh focking neice, I eh feeling well, she force meh to take out ID. I look as if I raise from Lapeyrouse or police just release bandit, look at dat is ten years till meh det I have to see meh face wit some much rage. I is not dat person. Old man come, we chat, he say teller tell he to wait, he tell meh, it ready, he ca hold, teller say he to go KFC. He dash, he old, he nearly get bounce, put down and come back. Ah say What, dem tell you to use KFC when dem using and spending big we money. Yuh wash yeh hand, yuh buy meh a piece? We laugh, he talk, ah tell he about meh pepper sauce
As I do remember, is you self bring dis Canalcouch in my now mop house. I take meh time and carefuly remove de meh Brand pepper sauce and it slip from meh hand, bounce once and den break. I tink to meh self, what nastyness come in here, she vice make it happen. I trow disinfectant and light candle were she foot stand. Next I does remember meh family gone way visit. Is big smiling how dis, how dat. say I fine when dem stinkers know I does sick. So one I ain’t mentioning she name, interrupt and ask boldface question over meh top secret recipe. She bark, So, Tani, I hear you does mix sweet mango, pommecythere and spice wit hot green pepper? Family come wit friend who eye big like owl and ears like bat pointing at meh. Ah watch she catspriddle and say, Is yes all of dat mix wit spoon in jar. I tink if dat focker listening, dat focker ain’t getting anything, me dough trust she when she go pelt down road and bitch try make large batch at HiLo food selling, wit stinking lable wit moon face.
Is only yesterday I findout from spy dat de two jar pack in suitcase fly America Mi-am-me reach dem two niece does fight big and measure line over wit yard stick, one over lickrish den de other. But spy say is one dat share as if I give dem servant breed sample. I pause, meh pressure drop, I slip a little and fall back in meh couch, I say WHAT? War you telling me? ………Den it come slowly…..You see yuh focking name on label? You choose jar simple because you feel you is high and mighty ? Let me tell you something, I look at he pict-ure…I go take meh fadder belt and whip yuh focking back so hard dat you never dream of he and meh pepper sauce. Kick yuh focking hardback out from meh life. You, you ever bodder to visit, but go eain free and teif bottle and pretend smart you invisable? When I bleed and slave you wajang mout find jokie and laugh. Poison in yuh focking tail, is poison.
I does remember when I pack neat, my fry chicken, meh macaroni pie, calaoo wit big slice of cooco in yuh Flavorite icecream, trow sligh meh pepper it does look like five star restaurant and you does still share wit when you reach. So I den tink, is ok, dem will learn. God tell meh to wait, dough bodder wit fools, petty nonsence but wait till de day when de big bottle fall …
I look at he pict-ure, I say to mehself, is you make dem so? He smile at meh, he say…Me? We laugh. I say I does remember when, we small, he, we all clean chataigne, he den come up boldface to we fadder, is I want share for friend.. Mah listen quiet, she say Big boy looking for sweet licks. Pa tell yuh no, if we shareing take from yuh own. You say no big and strong, if I dough get share loud, is none I want. He tell yuh straght, go walk to school, go ask yuh friend why he should have share when he eh help? You show big friend, yuh pocket dry, look yuh say to he, meh sisters finish dem already. He take schoolbook and pelt at fowl. Day eh over, we all laugh, is more cutass wit Pa slipper and favirite blue belt over yuh knee and bamsee.
We laugh, he tell meh I is right, but he eh watching de teller calling he. I tink, people old and you BoldFace tell dem go cross de street, as if dem Crawford in100 metre dash. I look up high, I see boardroom, I say dem would pelt down stairs, if elevator stop to jump car to use odder business toilet? I say nah. As soon, is Lord answer meh. I see man skip to flower pot and pee in circle, meh eh believe wha I see in Royal Main, and cleaner sprint like Bolt wit pill to mop up de place sparkling clean when old people around clapping, is true. I say dem mudder fockers, dey dough want dem shit inside, but willing to take dey money, dem does treat dem own elder like animal. Crapo smoke he pipe
The next time you see an elderly person needing help crossing the road or in need any sort of assistance , please offer. Banks should be required to have public washrooms for their customers.
In Trinidad folklore customs you should never pass a jar of pepper sauce from someone, but get it directly yourself or it would cause friction between both parties.